tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556756845096352998.post9129163753501131351..comments2023-11-05T00:23:04.573-07:00Comments on Introducing...: Gaming & RelationshipsShaBANGhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435939559462982820noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556756845096352998.post-28575652595498037322008-12-29T02:15:00.000-08:002008-12-29T02:15:00.000-08:00I forgot one other thing:I do think you're spot on...I forgot one other thing:<BR/><BR/>I do think you're spot on about the rewards of gaming, however. I have another friend who is married. (They are both gamers--so it's not just the gamer/nongamer dichotomy that is affected by this.) Her husband has suffered from severe depression for much of their marriage, so even though they game together, there was a time that he didn't hold down a job and she did, and she'd come home and all he'd done all day was level his WoW character--stinky trash, stinky clothes, and she is left with all the housework as well as working all day.<BR/><BR/>She finally got him to open up about how his *constant* gaming was obviously causing a severe rift in their marriage, even though she loved playing as much as he did, and he said what you did about how the game world offered constant reinforcements and successes. Leveling up, killing a monster, increasing your skills--they're all so relatively easy in-game and so much harder for someone struggling with real-life depression, and it was a way he was using (a crutch, really, and an ineffective one at that) to feel confident.<BR/><BR/>They've worked on it, from what I can tell--he has found a job, they've decided to finally start their family, and she feels a whole lot less pressure to keep everything together without his help--because he committed to changing things like that. <BR/><BR/>But there are many sad stories of marriages for which they couldn't work things out. And whether it's gaming, or drugs, or working too long, or spending more time with friends than you do your spouse, or p0rn, or anything that interferes with the primary relationship is going to be a problem. It really *is* about priorities (and when it comes to some things, common decency), and I think in our digital age that the gaming relationship problems are only the bellwether of how technology has so overwhelmed our lives that we can't recognize the real thing when we see it: p0rn addicts can't appreciate a real woman, depressed gamers don't know how to have a real relationship, etc. What do you think?Stacy Whitmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10368249394199905486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556756845096352998.post-52315954001726777252008-12-29T02:04:00.000-08:002008-12-29T02:04:00.000-08:00I'd love for you to meet my friend Dan and his...I'd love for you to meet my friend Dan and his wife Dawn, who live down here in Orem near me. They've been married going on 10 years or so, and he's a gamer and she's completely not. Like we talked about a few days ago in person, and as you note here, it is all about priorities and being interested in each other's interests--mutually. Dan has a D&D night with the guys, which is usually at their house. Now, D&D is not a video game--it's kind of a group storytelling thing, but with dice. So there's a lot of geeky laughing and stuff going on, and it can pause when Dawn comes in the room and tangents can occur when it's bedtime (they have 4 kids) etc. <BR/><BR/>But I think the important thing I see in their relationship is this: they each have their interests. Dan's is gaming and he gets that mostly through the D&D night (he used to play WoW but found it distracted him from his goals of writing books and getting them published and eventually making a living for his family off publishing his books, which he just succeeded at this year--he quit his day job). So he dropped everything gamer-related on the priority list. His family came first.<BR/><BR/>But also important is that Dawn has her own interests. When Dan is playing games, she's scrapbooking or doing some other craft. (Or rather, when he has D&D night, she's taking care of the kids, and when she is doing her hobby, he often is the caretaker, aside from all the family time they have together.)<BR/><BR/>They've built a family culture, too, that involves all their shared interests, which I think is even more important than their separate interests. Their unity comes first. Then the things they enjoy fit in where they can. And they support each other in those interests.Stacy Whitmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10368249394199905486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556756845096352998.post-17158769738108040892008-12-19T15:46:00.000-08:002008-12-19T15:46:00.000-08:00it's a challenge. Alieshia was given a nintendo bu...it's a challenge. Alieshia was given a nintendo but never used it. She ended up selling it and her game boy. I asked her if she was a little sad she never really played. she said only when her college roomates are doing it all weekend and she has noone to hang with. But then she would rather actually be doing stuff then sitting on her butt watching stuff i think.<BR/> she said she wouldn't mind an old school nintendo with a couple games now. I guess since she's 18 she can do that if she wants. But my guess is it will never be her first choice of intertainment. I'm proud as a parent for that.ShaBANGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12435939559462982820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1556756845096352998.post-19945966620718292802008-12-19T14:27:00.000-08:002008-12-19T14:27:00.000-08:00I am so anti-gaming. My brother really got sidelin...I am so anti-gaming. My brother really got sidelined with his life for awhile because he got so caught up in gaming. I think it's a total waste of time, which is okay for a hobby, but not if it takes over your life. David and I agreed before we got married that we wouldn't have video games in our home. We'll see if we're able to keep that up when the kids get older.Kristinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18029371212419586975noreply@blogger.com