200 lbs of Red Potatoes!

300 lbs of red potatoes! That's what's in my "Bu" right now. "Bu" is the name of my car. And she's got 3/100 pound bags of potatoes in her back seat.
My supervisor at work mentioned her neighbor has a potato farm and is selling 100 pound bags of potatoes for 20$. That's a lot of funerals. I decided to get me a bag, or two. The third bag is for a friend. She likes potatoes!
I thought wow, I love me some red potatoes! And I have some friends who love them some red potatoes too! They probably wouldn't mind a pound or two.
I don't mind sharing with my friends and family. WOW 200 pounds. That's alotta potatoes! I can scallop them, au grauten them, fry them, bake them, mash em smash em. There's potato casserole, potato pancakes, potato chips. Ohhhhhh, cream of potato soup! I have the most amazing recipe for it! MMMM Cheesy cream of potato soup, even better. Potato logs, twice
baked potatoes.

Fries! Curly Fries! Seasoned curly fries! Potato dumplings. Potato Salad. German Potato Salad. HASH BROWNS :)

Let's think, some other things you can do with potatoes:
You can put it in someone's exhaust pipe, Drop it from the top of a skyscraper, play dodge ball with them. Mash them and have "snowball" fight! carve them into little sculptures and figurines, use them as stamps or stencil on artwork, I found a link for mashed potato cookies:http://www.recipezaar.com/27684 I ain't trying it but if someone out there does, let me know. I hear if you mash them and make them stiff enough and add food coloring you can mold things: Mountains, ashtrays, cups, candy dishes. I guess if you let them sit long enough they will be the 'mold" thing. Bwahh haa haaa!
A long time ago one of my friends made a spud cannon! SPUDZUKA! Wow, or a catapult would be cool, and sling shot them at targets in a field. You could do that, but that would just be wasteful.

Potatos, potatos, Potatos. I LIKE POTATOS! "Specially the red ones. I feel sorry for you die hard atkins diet freaks! I like the atkins diet actually, but I know when to aktins and I know when to eat potatoes and this winter, is all about sharing the love of carbs.
You may think what in the world is she going to do with all those potatoes?

Welp lets see
I can give 200 friends 1 pound each. Or I can give 1oo friends 2 pound each. I can give 4 friends 50 pounds or, I can give 3 friends 50 pounds and keep 50 pounds myself. I can make potato starch alcohol and sell it in the back woods of Benjamin :)

I could build a model of the solar system with potatoes. Someone suggested I make the world's largest potato salad and get in the guinness book of world records. I could invite all my friend over for a potato bar dinner. Hey, just bring the toppings, I have the potatoes.


What can you top a potato with?
Chili, cheese, and chili-cheese, sour cream, ranch dressing, bacon, cream of mushroom soup, gravy, cream chip beef, cream of chicken, taco meat and other taco fixins, broccoli and cheese sauce, Chicken ala king, Delux that baby out with green onions/sour cream/cheese/bacon/chives, cubed steak/onion/mushrooms, stroganoff, chicken ala king!

WOW. You can do so much with potatoes, who knew?


MMMM! Potatoes. Guess what my friends are getting for Christmas? :)


What would YOU do with 200 lbs of red potatoes?

Halloween @ The Office

Wordless Wednesday

Alrighty Then....................!

K, so it's 10 minutes after midnight.... early halloween! Some strange things have been happening the last couple hours:

I'm talking on the phone to my mom and suddenly there's a baby crying on my doorstep. At first I think it's just the neigbors passing though up the stairs, but the crying doesn't stop. Matter of fact it gets louder. So I poke my head through the blinds of the sliding class and there's this HUGE yellow cat. I really don't like cats. This thing was screetching like a hungry baby. I've never heard a cat sound like that before. And it was right on my front step. Weird.

Today, I saw one of the computer tech guys outside, in the rain and wind running through the parking lot hands raised with what looked like a tarp or partial parachute flapping in the wind behind him like a cape. I know I looked jack jawed and bugg-eyed. I looked around to see if anyone else was around to see it. Nope, no another person in sight, just me and the generic superman running through the company parking lot in the middle of the day. Weird.


Customer calls me today and asks.... "is your office closed tomorrow for the halloween holiday?"
I choked out a " ma'am we are regular business hours tomorrow..." and did my call closing routine and hung up before I burst out laughing on the phone. Weird.


Ok so for about the last hours, I've been hearing a whistle in my house. I check on my daughter and she's asleep so it's not her. There's no wind and the sound is not even coming from the window. My apts not really that big so it's not coming from some obscure place. It sounds as if it's starting in the living room. And then maybe from my bathroom, and then the hallway. It's coming from diffrent parts of the house. I thought maybe someone was outside the window in this office whistling for their dog or maybe that stupid cat. Nope, none of that was the case.
Besides, this isn't just any whistle. This is.. "THE FAMILY WHISTLE." Yes, tha's right our family has a whistle. (Doesn't everybody's?) If we're in a store or someplace and looking for each other we just send out that family whistle. When the other members of the family hear it, they whistle back and we just follow the sounds of the whistle. I thought maybe my daughter was playing tricks on me... but she is sound to sleep... and she doesn't even know the family whistle, that was an old time thing i do with my parents and siblings. When the neices and nephews want us, they just call on the cell phone anyways. I called my sister to see if she's playin tricks. She's not, she's 45 min away staying with friends. But as I was calling her the whistles started again. A sort of warmth ran through me. Then a chill. I was telling her what's going on.
"you know?" I said.... "come to think of it.. besides you and me lookin for each other in walmart the only one's I've really heard whistle the family whistle the most are Grandpa and Grandmother!"

Well, Grandmother passed away 20 years ago and Grandpa just joined her 2 months ago.

I wonder if they're playing "hide and seek" tonight for halloween? Weird.

WHAT??? A FREAKIN' BUTTERFLY????

So the department has been talking about Halloween the passed 2 weeks and what to dress up as.
I Usually go with such ghetto lazy costumes:
Show up to work in Pajama's. "what are you for halloween?" they'd ask. "I'm tired" I'd say.
Regular clothes. "what are you for halloween?" "serial killer, they look like everyone else"
Dress with a jumper and 2 pony tails. What are you for halloween. " a doll"

I think I haven't seriously dressed up since about 1990. I was a Genie or a Harem girl. I found some mc-hammer type pants that were sheer and ballooned out. Found some ballet slippers to fit my big ole feet and a genie-esk shirt. I pulled up my waist long braids into the "I Love Genie" Pony tail and off I went. I went to a couple parties, won a couple prizes...when people got on my nerves I would fold my arm, look directly at them, and do that famous "I Love Genie" nod. yeah, it didn't work they would never disappear.

Last year I was a Lepard which really isn't a stretch for me. I have so much lepard skin clothing and other things that I just put it on, did a cat nose and afro'd out my hair.

The year before... a Gypsie. Again no big stretch, Put on a peasant blouse and broomstick skirt with a scarf arouond the head. I actually took some crystals off of a candle stick and used them for earrings. I would slam the palm of my hand on people's foreheads all day and read their fortune for a peice of chocolate. ( I'm ghetto like that)


Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. This year is going to be a stretch. We were talking about dressng up as something that would fit our personalities. (No I'm not going to be a witch, and if you take off the w and put in a b i'm not going to be that either.) Some of the guys were thinking of pulling off a transformer look. My mind is thinking maybe a transvestite look would be better? In the passed we've had clown, babies, chickens. One year we even had a pimp daddy. Which reminds me of a little guy who once called himself... "Big Pimpin". Seriously he looked more like "little Pimple" but who was I to mess up his fun? As they were thinking of things to be that were supposed to be tailored to their personality, I decided to go the opposite.

As each person disclosed what they were thinking the question came back to me.
So, KayDee... what are you going to be this year?

"a butterfly"

I answered. They watched me with smiles... waiting for the catch.

"Yeah...? they said... "what kind...?"

"um... a blue butterfly" I said.


" ok.....and..?" they said..

" uh...... a baby blue butterfly?" I answered.... wondering if I was back in high school and making a good educated guess on the answer to "x = ?"


"Nuh-uh!" Said one of the girls. "No way, If I know you, that's not it at all! What? You have a stick of butter costume with wings???"
"the gang agreed.."
" I can see you as a wasp or a bee. Will you go around pinching us?"
(that did sound like something I would probably do.)

" nope! No pinches. Butterflies are soft and gentle, they tickle, they're delicate! I'm going to be a butterfly"

Their mouths dropped.

I just told them I was going to be the oppostie of what I am: I'm a klutz, I'm heavy handed, hard footed, loud, rowdy, and all of that.

My thoughts were broken.....

"WHAT? A FEAKING BUTTTERFLY?..... aw C'mon!" She was disgusted!
It was funny to see the disappointment in her face. I had to laugh.

"Sorry, No ghetto Gangsta Generic innercity suburbia costume this year! This year you get a butterfly."
I did my best ballet butterfly move across the department floor, twirled on my does, spread my wings as if to fly... and darn near twisted my ankle.

Yeah people, a freakin butterfly. That's all your getting for halloween outta me. It may be the only way I'll earn some wings.

Trick? or Treat?

Grazin & Cornmazin Part 2

Mountain Mike's Pizza was the place! We had the joint all to ourselves. I was carrying little man because we put his shoes in the trunk and their they would stay until he went home. The Mellow Crew was already there getting a table set up. I WAS A MESS. We were all a mess. Filthy dirty. Not just filthy, not just dirty, but filthy dirty. I Looked at the guy behind the counter
"do you mind if I just kick my shoes off at the door?"
"thats fine" he smiled.

"Oh I already told him that this night would be unlike any other night they've ever seen."
yelled Aunty

"Good!" I said.
And then the fun began. We were all getting situated around the table.

Someone told me earlier that Little man had a crush on Doodle-bug.
(sorry little man, that's just the way it is around siblings... nothing is sacred)

So the seating was arranged so he could sit with her during pizza. You should have seen the big ol grin on his face. She, appreciating his admiration made sure he was well taken care of all night. She even rode him piggy back up 3 flights of stairs to his home at the end of the night!

There was literally no one else in the place. We were loud and boisterous and rowdy and cracking up about the maze things. It was a party... with entertainment....
STARRING:
Dip & Dap!
I love these two girls. Well I love them all but these two girls.... are just outta control. When one would start to slow down, the other would hit like a recharge button. Even ordering Pizza and drinks was a show. At one point I laughed so hard I couldn't even sit up in my chair. My head was practially in the lap of K-bug all night!
You know that kind of laughter when you are just sooo weak and hurt soo much that all you can do is breath and cry? Yeah it was JUST like that. Couple that with muddy butts and muddy shoes and sugar..... you have a party that can't be stopped
While waiting for the food to arrive Sandra and little man made up this game of table hockey:

Think of a regular air hockey table. Now replace that with a typical table at a pizza parlor.
The hockey puck... is the parmesian cheese shaker. The hockey paddles are the salt and pepper shakers. If the cheese falls in your lap, the opponent scores. If it's shot over the edge of the table or onto the next table... Little man will announce:
"YOU ARE OWT!"
Sandra and little man were going at it, it was a good game. And when they finished Dip & Dap got on the other ends of the table... so this table hockey game played out between the 4 of them... and the rest of us cheered as if we were at a real hockey game. It was awesome and we continued this game until the pizza came!

Our poor server, he didn't know what to do. We had shakers and napkin holders all set up on the table looking like a hockey rink with us cheering and booing and commentating. I'm not sure how long he stood their til we recognized him. We quickly made room for the pizza's. We were starrrrrrrrrrving! The server went back to get our plates. Everyone was scrambling to replace eating utinsils and refill drinks and then for the first time... and only time of the night.... we were settled down.
I stood up and said.... "lets bless the food!" I couldn't believe what was coming out of my mouth. Its not something I do often in a public place. I sort of checked myselt and kind of looked around expecting to see everyone staring back at me like I was weird. But what I saw was everyone's head bowed and ready for a prayer. Wow. It took a second to look around at everyone. "this is awesome" I thought. I don't know why but I felt that it was the coolest moment of the whole day. I looked over at little man sitting next to D-bug with his arms stretch out across the table. He was looking at me smiling. I whispered.. "we're gonna say a prayer..." and looked over at d-bug and giggled and folded his arms and closed his eyes.
The prayer was given. The reverence after lasted all of 5 seconds until the commotion began again.

The Pizza was good: 1 large pepperoni/sausage and 1 large Robbers roost!
I highly recommend the Robbers Roost it's my new favorite. That was a good pizza: Grilled chicken pieces, tomatoes, olives, mushrooms & green onions on our creamy garlic sauce.
Only a couple of kids were brave enough to try it.
We ordered 2 pasta dishes as well:

Chicken Alfredo
Spiral pasta & grilled chicken smothered in a rich and creamy Alfredo sauce, topped with parmesan and mozzarella cheese, then baked to perfection.




Three Cheese Marinara
Hot fresh pasta in three cheese marinara sauce, baked with a layer of melted Italian cheeses.


Kind of like a Macaroni and cheese with tomato sauce.





Personally, I think tomato sauce in macaroni and cheese messes up the macaroni and cheese. But it was an OK dish i guess.





I guess with our mouths full and everyone starting to settle down, we realized there was music playing. It was a good ol song from my high school days so I belted out a few verses. I don't know what happened next.... It had to be Dip and Dap because they were up in the middle of the restaurant...
and the dancing began!

There was break dancing, there was sliding, there was the sprinkler dance, the shopping cart dance, the worm or caterpiller or whatever they're calling it these days.Even the Michael Jackson Thriller dance and some freakish mummy looking dance Little man was running across the floor and then sliding like super man. I even got up and danced too. I caught the eye of the cashier and cook who where looking at us as if they wished they could join. I gave the cook a wink and he winked back. I went up to him and said...


"Y'all don't mind, do ya?"


" No Way! I'm so glad I was scheduled to work tonite, this is AWESOME! I hope we see you all again, do you live around here?"

I told him the break down of where we were all from. He was impressed, Ogden, Midvale, Riverton and Provo.

"How do you all know each other?" He asked

"These are my daughters and sisters! We're all harem of little man over there" I smiled.


He laughed and looked at my crew just as Doodle bug grabbed little man's hand and started doing some kind of dance.



"Well... this is awesome!" he said... "and I hope you all come back again this was so fun for us."





We were interrupted because little man needed to get to the restroom... QUICK! He and I raced off and I sent him into the Men's room. ON the way back to the table I looked at the floor and noticed chunks of dried mud in different spots on the floor. I guess we had left our mark.



I looked up and the 2 mellow kids were starting to wind down.... until the 2 wild one's started having a dance off which, by the way sent us all into fits of laughter.

Then one of them, I believe it was Dip, stopped and with wide eyes took off into the distance. OH NO! I thought. They spotted the game room. It was as if they didn't recognize it befor, but it was there the whole time.

Eventually everyone but the 2 bugs and Aunty were in the game room. It was more like a jungle room or a game of "How many of us can we get on this horse? How many of us can we get on the Motorcycle? How many of us can crowd into this space. And just how loud can we be? Then they would add lib some sort of dramatic motorcycle or horse back riding scene.



Little man made it out of the restroom and joined in the jungle room. We actually put a quarter in the horse and let him ride it.. .and he was interrupted by the others once they saw the horse was actually moving for him... everyone piled on. It was crazy!



Eventually I was starting to settle down and reality was setting in. It was an hour til midnight and time get the kids to their perspective homes. Tomorrow would be Sunday and it was going to be a pretty rough day.



Inspite of moans and groans we started rounding up the kids. I had them call their mother's to let them know they'd be home within the hour. We gathered our muddy coats and shoes and hats and gloves. We stacked our dishes and cups and the pizza pans for our servers and left them a really big tip. Walked out side and it was snowing!

Dip being from Mississippi origionally had never really seen snow befor today. The girl was running and screaming through the parking lot:
"It's snowing! It's snowing! It's snowing!"

This same routine happened earlier before we even hit the corn maze. She came running back our way and grabbed Dap and they jumped up and down dancing in a circle chanting
"snow!" "snow!" "snow!'
Which in turn got us all excited with more fits of laughter.

"wow" I thought. They just keep going and going and going. It was awesome.
Even the car ride home was crazy with laughing and dancing.

"Hey, what are we doing for November?" Someone said.

"we have free games for bowling!" someone else said.

I looked at the tickets and its only free bowling on M-F before 5 pm.

All the adults looked at each other.

It was deteremined that the day after thanksgiving would be perfect for bowling! While the rest of the world is out Christmas shopping, me and my crew will be throwing balls and probably ourselves down alleys.



So if you happen to be cruisin by a bowling alley and see about 10 people rolling on the ground and falling all over each other laughin... give us a shout out!

*i bet you all wish you could see most of the video's and pictures of the night. I'm not comfortable with posting the faces of kids on the world wide web without their parents permission. So there! :-P

Grazin & Corn Mazin' Part 1

It was with great anticipation that I woke up Saturday morning! It was also 5:00 am! Yeah, that part wasn't so great but it was going to be a great day anyway. I lay in bed going through the events of the day in my mind:
Leadership meeting in Midvale at Golden Coral
Back to Provo by Noon with my Pot O Soup for Super Saturday activity.
Check football scores
To the mall to get the final touches for my Halloween costume
Nap.... this was going to be essential to my mood and energy because in the evening it was all about...
THE CORN MAZE!

(The Maze!)

That's right! My favorite fall activity! This year, I'd be taking my favorite people with me:
Sandra- she blew in with hurricane Katrina 3 years ago and decided to stay in Utah
Lyn- My sister the transporter/chaperon. Everyone Calls her "Aunty Lyn"
Me- I'm Karyn, Kaydee, Mama Kay.... Shoot, I don't even know what to call myself anymore.
And my crew... which consist of 6 kids from oldest to youngest (ages 17-5):

Doodle bug
k-Bug
Dray
Dip
Dap
and Little man or Grand Master J.

We'd all been looking forward to this for about 3 weeks! only 3 of us had been to the corn maze before. So it'll be fun! I was excited. Tired, but excited.

I went through my morning with the greatest of ease and it proved to be a bumpy afternoon. But when we got around to Corn mazin... It was all about the fun.

The weather was the worse weather for the activity. I took a poll. And let me just say.... My kids... they ain't no wimpy kids. Plan B and C totally shot down. Come rain, sleet, snow or darkness of night.... They were going mazin. And it was raining, snowing, sleeting and in the darkness of night. We wanted to do the haunted maze.... but the weather was so bad, the
Haunters did come to haunt. HAHAH! The haunters were scared off by the weather. ( yes, i know that was corny :)

We get our tickets and decide to break off into groups: Sandra, Aunty and the mellow kids which consisted of... the 2 bugs.
That left me with the hyper kids: Dray, Dip, Dap and Little man. ( 3-D and Grand master J was my crew!) They were hyped and ready to go. Each group had an adult with a cell phone, a torch bearer (flashlight holder) and a Navigation Specialist to be in charge of the map.
The ticket master gave our instructions:
"be very careful cuz I don't have insurance if you brake a bone or something. The maze is muddy, wet, slick and has puddles. Enter at your own risk! Here's your map, the rules are posted. Have fun!"

Now any sane adult would have turned around and hit the bowling alley. Nope, not me and my crew... we were off and running! We left the mellow crew and ran through the entrance.
The Ultimate corn maze has may purposes:
1. inside each good cornmaze are hidden post which are listed on the map. The goal is to find all the post before you get tired, cold, frustrated and lost. You find all the post, you get prizes :)
2. All good corn mazes have a circle of doom! This is path that lead you in a confused circle. You'll usually be in the circle and find yourself in the same spot at least twice before you realize it's a circle you've been tracking in for the last 15 minutes. You will revisit this spot a few times befor leaving
3. Haunters. These are people dressed up in masks with spooky stuff like chainsaws and scary masks and grim reapers hidden through out the maze waiting to scare the pee out of everyone. 4. It must big. I mean so big that you feel like pioneer children ... (nuf said)

5. It must have "stalkers" ( I made another corny funny) These are actually workers that roam the maze and make sure rules are being followed. They will also guide you out when the corn crazies hit and ya just can't take no more.


(see rules above)

About 10 steps into the maze... we were literally stopped in our tracks with thick mud!

"DAAAAAAANG!" I said. We were slipping and sliding all over the place. I looked down at little man's feet. He had opened toes slippers/sandals with socks on.
"DAAAANG little man! You let me know when you get cold and we'll stop Ok?"
"ok!" he nodded
I slipped and wavered in my footing and let out a "yelp!" Little man looked up at me and said... "you hold my hand!"
I laughed... yeah, it was probably a good idea so he could hold me up. The 3-D's were about 15 yards ahead of us. I called out to them to stop and wait up. They go to the first passageway and stopped, I'm sure it was more because they couldn't decide on which direction to go.... we caught up to them, just as they bolted the direction they wanted to go.

Little man and I followed. The 3-D's rounded a corner and I could hear them screaming!
"Post 1 We found post1"
And so they did! They took the hole punch attached to the post and punched out #1 on our map..... Then we were off and found post # 2!
We sloshed and slipped and stomped through the mud. "oooopppS!" screamed little man!
"What's up boy?" I inquired..
"my shoe!" I looked down and his foot was in the air, behind him was his shoe. Stuck in the mud! We laughed! I picked the shoe up and placed it in front of him and he slipped it back on. This process would be repeated several times during the night.

The mud was thick. Each step was harder and heavier than the next. Mud would accumulate and pack together until the weight of your foot was so heavy that gravity would cause the mud to fall off and the process would start all over again. You could hear the suction of your shoes and feel the glops of mud hitting the back of your legs when you lifted your foot to walk.




(our muddy "feetzes" less than 5 minutes into the maze)

The maze was treacherous! We sloshed in the mud, slipped in the puddles and slid on the wet corn stalks. We were laughing, screaming, yelping, singing all the while. The D's were indecisive about which we to go at each turn so after about 2o minutes we decided it was little man's turn to lead us. He was our torch bearer. So we put him out in front and said..
"ok.. which way?"

He would look and say...
this way"
and away he would go. We'd look at each other unsure. He'd look back at us as if to say....
"Well I'm going this way, and y'all can just stand there if ya want"
and off he would go. There's 2 things I liked about little man leading:
1. he just knew he was leading us to Glory. He walked with such confidence.
2. he always led us to dry Ground. It was as if Moses came and parted the red sea and we walked on try ground.
There was no sluggin through the mud when little man lead us. We called that: P.I.T Priesthood in Training! And it was cool. Weird, but very very cool!

(P.I.T)

As time passed we also found post #'s 3,4, 5, &9. Laughin, joking, singing and all of that. We passed other groups of people along the way who simply looked miserable!
I decided to call and check on the Mellow crew.... So we phoned my sister to see how they're doing.
"hello"
"hey, where are y'all at?" I asked... Ok people, now think about it, where was she?
And that's exactly what she said...
"umm think about it... I"M IN THE MIDDLE OF A CORN FIELD!" I could hear Sandra the 2 bugs and laughing their fool heads off.
"Oh, yeah!" I said. "well Im going to scream and tell us if you can hear us so we can gage how far away we are from you.."
So me and my crew start screaming.

"Can you hear us? " I said into the phone? I could hear the bugs crackin up in the back ground...

"Well, you ARE screaming into the phone in my ear...." She said.
UH OH! I had hit and I didn't even know it: THE CORN CRAZIES!

Yeah, the corn crazies are when you've been in the maze so long that you start to lose your mind. Everything is funny, and silly and some what demented! This is the really fun part of the maze, the only sad thing is that it's short lived... and the then come the claustrophobia.
About an hour into this thing, I'm starting to get tired. The 3-D's had taken charge again and we found another post! Cept this post had no number on it and 2 hole punches. My navigation specialist had given up on the map about 30 minutes ago. ( Make sure your navigation specialist can follow a map.)
Not knowing where we were and what post, we just punched # 7 and called it good. And then we were off. We walked about 15 minutes and found another post. It was a post with no number and 2 whole puncher. (haha!) Wait... we just did this. So we took off in a different direction, about 5 minutes later we found a post with no number and you guessed it 2 whole punchers.
And then another group came right up behind us. And then a 3rd group.
All said.. "hey, were just here!"
"AAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" I screamed! THE CIRCLE!

The circle will make a person go totally insane. People have died in the circle. I glanced around to the left and quickly to the right.. searching for the skeletal remains of those who have never seen the light of day again because of the circle. We needed a plan.... someone to get us far and away...
"little man, Lead us out!" I commanded.
With that confidence he had he looked around and pointed..
"That way!"
and on he marched. we followed. I know if nothing else we would be walking on dry ground.

(That way!)
My ankles were bothering me at this point and I knew they would betray me by morning's light.

Just as expected we were soon on dry ground. We reached a long corridor of stalks and in the distance was another post! We were excited as we ran toward it. As we got closer, I stopped dead in my tracks. It was a post, no number.... 2 hole punchers. WOW!

I bit my tongue in order not to cuss. They were looking at me... trying not to laugh. And then we all busted out laughing!
"OK" I announced! "We are officially lost!"
they giggled.
"And we're going THAT WAY!" I said & I pointed. It didn't matter that we had just come from that way.
They ran ahead of me as much as they could run... and then... it happened:

I stepped into the mud and slipped to the right... I yelped! I stepped to the left and twisted my body to compensate for over correcting... I stepped to the left again and my right foot slipped behind me. I screamed! "SPLAT!" I could see the silhouettes of the kids stop and turn. Then the torch bearer shined his light and started walking back towards me.
"she fell!" I heard a familiar voice say.
"Oh my goodness she fell!" It was dip.
"Hey, lets steal her camera and take pictures of her" They ran toward me, and grabbed my camera from the mud and started taking pictures!
Hey guys don't mind me. I'm just sitting here in the wet yukky mud and corn. Just make sure you get my good side. So after a few more mud poses, they helped me up.

(this is SO NOT my good side)

We started off again and about 10 feet later ... "splat!"
I looked behind me and yelled
"we have another man down! Another man down!"
Dip had fallen!

(they got her good side)

The corn crazies had hit us all. I looked at us all. We were a shameful site indeed. I looked down at our feetz. They were muddy and caked over. I looked at little man's feet.
"Are you cold little man?" I asked
He nodded. I pulled his hood on his head.
"Are your feet cold?" I asked? shook his head. WOW. Them must be some good socks I said because they were caked. Well insulated I guess.

"Ok crew, it's time to get out!" I said.

We continued to walk along the path we were going. I wanted to get as far from the circle as possible so I walked to the very edge. Im not sure what end.. and it didn't matter, because eventually we hit every corner.... and still couldn't find our way out. But we did find post 10!
Being on the very edge you could see outside of the maze. We saw stores, A field, The pumpkin patches.
"can we get a pumpkin?"
asked little man shining his light on them.
"Baby, we need to get out!" I answered.
"yeah, we need to get out" He repeated.

We saw cars passing by.. I fought back the urge to run to the fence and yell
"HELP! HELP!" I stood there, looking and feeling like a lost and dirty orphan hanging on the fence.
The path along the edges weren't long before they dragged you back into the actual maze. Soon the signs of civilization would be gone again. I was getting claustrophobic and Dip announced she had to use the bathroom. This bring a whole new element to corn mazin'. We needed to buckle down and really get serious about getting out.
I phoned my sister.... " hey, she said... We're at post # 6!"
"really, we haven't found it yet, where is it?" I asked. lol...
"Umm....Karyn..." she said..
"I know, I know... It's in the corn"
"well, and don't y'all have a map?" she said.
THE MAP! I totally forgot about the map. I hung up and I called my navigation specialist over and asked for the map.
"I don't have it, you do" she said.
"Uh...I do?" I asked? "I thought i gave it to you?"
"I put it in your pocked like an hour ago" she said.
I checked my pockets and there is was, twisted and damp. I unfolded it and just stared.

"Well if we knew where we were that would help, huh guys?"

Just then a dark torchless shadow walked out of the rows of corn. It was a Stalker! Scared the corn outta me!
"hey" dap Pointed the direction we were headed... "is this the way out? she asked.

"Nope" said the guy "But I can show you out!"
YAYE! We cheered. Our hero!

We followed close behind. After about 5 minutes of walking.. it was dap who said..

"WAIT! We only have to get 2 more punches # 8 & 6!"

I groaned inwardly. "AW MAN!" And then Dip backed her up.

" I thought you had to pee!" I said to her.
"Well I don't have to go that bad"

Our hero said... "well I can show to post 6 if you want it's on the way" Yaye... he really was a hero..
So he veered off toward the middle part of the maze..... and low and behold we passed the real # 7. So we punched it.

The guide said... # 6 is a little difficult to find... the post is missing from it. I stopped in my tracks..... "uh.... Does it have 2 whole punches attached to it?" I asked..
"Naw.... That's # 8" He said.
Whew! Because even hero's get lost in the circle. My phone rang it was the mellow crew...
"Hey i said.... We're headed out! IM DONE" i said.
"ok. well we can be done she said.." we think you guys are really close... one of the guides just passed us and said another guide is leading you out."

Wow, that is close.
I affirmed it.
"How many did yall get," She asked

"got em all, I guess # 6 doesn't have a sign on it?"
She said. .yeah, but there are signs pointing toward it, have you seen the signs?"

"well, lemme see, I've seen a mud puddle, I've seen cars going by, I've seen... corn, I've seen Magna and Kennecott Mines.. and a the exit to Paris, But I have not seen a sign for post # 6!"

she laughed.

We found post 6 and rejoiced i the fact that we had found all the post and were headed home.
My steps got stronger. I smiled. We sang "pioneer children sang as they walked... and walked... and walked...."

Another 15 minutes and there is was.... The exit sign.

My eyes welled up with tears

(we made it)

I stumbled toward it. Bowed before it. Kissed it.
We had made it out!

WE turned in our raggedy map and claimed our prizes! Free Fries and Ice cream At Mc Donalds, A free Game of Bowling. WOO HOOO! We were jumping up and down and life was good!

We waited another 2o minutes for the mellow crew.

We stood at the exit until we saw their silhouettes emerge down the path.
My crew broke out in song... "Come, Come Ye Saints..." And threw our arms around them in Joy to be reunited again.

"HEY! what took y'all so long?" I frowned.

"we were headed out until we heard you had them all So we decided, we weren't coming out til we had them all too."

We looked at our watches.... and couldn't believe the time. It just under an hour and a half since we first got there.
IT FELT LIKE DAYS

haha! "well it's time to get some pizza!"

We headed to our vehicles to the pizza place. I didn't know it then... but the night really was just beginning!


(Grand Master J's shoes
the tops & bottoms)

http://ablackmormongirl.blogspot.com/
(my life really is like that corn maze)

The "Do Over"

"Sometimes, passions were too strong, convictions too deep, perspectives too contrasting to reach agreement on a call. Still, it was understood that unless the opposing team was being absolutely unreasonable or cheating, preserving friendships and, even more importantly, continuing the game took precedence over a specific play. After the proper amount of heated discussion had taken place, one of the player would finally extend the proverbial fig-leaf by offering his opponent a "do-over", as in "you can do it again."

The do-over was one of childhood's most powerful rites, for it exerted our dominion over the laws of space and time. The clock was rolled back, the game was restored to its exact status as before before the contested event and play was resumed. If the original play was particularly important and the second attempt was dramatically different (e.g. the player striking out instead of hitting a multi-base shot as in the original play), the do-over might be invoked again. This second invocation would give the team another chance thereby insuring that the universal forces of fair play were being righteously maintained.

Yes, it is with fond memories that we recall the do-over a divine method of resolution, and contemplate the untold blessings it could bring if it were somehow extended into our contemporary lives.'

Remember the good ole days when playing kick ball or street ball or whatever we were playing at the time, when things weren't going right or felt horribly wrong it was nothing for us, as kids to call "DO -OVER!" And all would be in agreement. It wasn't about winning or being right it was about being compassionate, fair and maintain friendship and knowing that when things were vastly not in your favor, the same would be extended not based on the person who needed it, but based on fact that fair was fair. When a Do- Over was called all whatever immediate event from the passed that happened would be erased or "off the books" as if it didn't happen. And life would resume from the do-over point, no hard feelings, no grudges, no passed trends expected. And each would do their best to be better from that point on.

Well this passed month I've been evoking the "do over." The "do-over" message seems to have surrounded me everywhere I go lately so I decided when things aren't going right to call myself unto "do-over" and begin from that point on. It's worked beautifully.

I overheard someone say... "you know, you have the power to start your day over at any second you choose. It's within you to stop, and say... "you know what? I don't like how this is going so I'm staring over from this moment on. I'm changing my attitude and making things better as of now' " I really put some thought into that and decided... why not? Who says do-overs can't work as an adult.

I've been experimenting at work for the last month and it works! I've only had to do it a couple times but when things have felt outta whack I've stopped myself and halted everything I was doing and took inventory of my attitude and thoughts and said... "I'm starting my day over." Took a short break readjusted my thinkin and my day really did change and get better from that point on. It has more to do with my adjusting my attitude and wanting it to be a better day. I love that it works so well. Isn't that a do-over?

So can we do that with people? Can I go to someone I'm having a hard time with and ask for a "do-over?" I'm pretty satisfied with most of my friendships, but a couple of them started out on rocky foundation to begin with. And when all you have to go on is insecurities from the beginning, it's on continuous disaster after another. You can't build anything on a foundation of disaster, whatever it is. It's like putting a band aide on and infected cut on your leg that needs cleansing and stitches. It would continue to fester and cause problems. If you don't take care of it properly, you could even lose that leg. I think some friendships/relationships are like that. Some you may have to "do-over" to salvage if you care to salvage them.

Can you do that, start over? I can't recall how many times I've recalled a situation and thought.... " dang, if I could do this all over again I would do it so differently." And how come you can't just start from that moment on and do things differently? What's wrong about a "Do-Over " friendship, it could work couldn't it? This reminds me of one of my favorite shows in Syndication: Quantum Leap!. Gold Ol Sam Beckett and his side kick Al. Love that show. I could watch that show and M*A*S*H all day.

Dr Sam Beckett found a way to time leap within his own lifetime. In doing so he was able to go back and "right that which was wrong." In doing so it also changed future events for the better. Well I can't quantum leap, but I can certainly request a "do-over." Why not? Can I do that with friendships ? And will it work?

You know what, why not? I'm re instating the right for adults to have "do-overs."

"Yes, it is with fond memories that we recall the do-over a divine method of resolution, and contemplate the untold blessings it could bring if it were somehow extended into our contemporary lives."

Generation C I G A R

Apparently I'm a Generation Xer. And I'm told that's not a compliment. They say the last Generation to make a real positive impact on this world was the Baby Boomer Generation. They were the soldiers and the Peace rallyers and also the hippies, peace and Free love generations. Apparently as an X'er I'm : Spoiled, cynical, question authority, Free loading off my parents, Can't get or keep a job, live in the now and will end up homeless and broke when I'm older. That's the label for Generation X.



And apparently the Generation behind us.... is called Generation Y. It must stand for "Y am I so rude? Y do I have to get good grades in school when I can just sit at home all day? Y do I have to go out side and play, I have my x box. Y can't I just get a job on a computer since that's what I do all day anyway?"

This generation, also selfish, disrespectful, more politically educated, and technological geniuses. They have little if any work ethic. They yearn for good role models to look up to. They grew up too fast because they basically had slacker parents that gave them too much, never taught them patience or required discipline.



I read stuff like that and of course as an Xer I get pissed off. I've had my current job for over 12 years, My daughter is an honor student not hooked or addicted to x box, nintendo or mtv. I haven't lived with either parent since the age of 19 although they do help out once in a while when things have been tight. She does go out and play, is physically active and not some slug or scrub. But perhaps what gets me most about being a Generation Xer is the truthfullness of what is being described. I would like to describe myself as an old school black mama! There's no TV's, VCR's, DVD players or Computers in my or my daughters bedroom. As a family we have to learn to share those things and get along compromising. We just recently purchased a used gaming device and 1 game for it. I think we've used it 3 times since I purchased it. (Dance Dance Revolution if you must know we got a cheap refurbished one, and My crew can beat your crew any time!)

I will say we communicate most over electronic devices: I/M, Email, phone Texting. But I'm actually getting away from electronic relationships because it is much nicer to hear a voice and be with a person than sleeping with a cell phone all the time. My cell phone has become my boyfriend, with me all the time, we talk, laugh, take pictures together, go out to dinner, it sings to me and plays some of my favorite music and yes we sleep together. Taking pictures of my promise ring on my cell phone and texted it to my friends made me realize something about that just ain't right. So I'm trying to get more away from having a relationship with electronics.

So as parents, we are training our children to do the same? Are we too lazy as parents to push them to go out side and play or even join them in some real parenting things, such as homework, or playing catch or even family hiking or campouts? Do we expect too little from them because we felt like we carried so much? Or do we expect soo much because we did so little ourselves? Where is the balance?

I have changed the name of the Generation Y name to Generation "C.I.G.A.R." It has nothing to do with the war on drugs or smoking or even Cigars themselves. This generation is actually more conscious about health issues such as drinking, smoking and drugs.

It has everything to do with motivation.

Case in point. Growing up we lived a mile from the school. We walked that mile. No, not up hill both ways in knee deep snow like our parents. We actually walked it and had fun walking it. We not only walked to school but we walked a mile down the street, played baseball all day long and then walked home still not tired.

We played out side on bikes and roller skates and skateboards til the streetlight came on then busted it to get home because we should have been in the house before dark. Our parents had to hunt us down to come in for dinner. Sometimes we would be miles from the house w/o realizing just how far we had gone. Our parents would trip! I could hear my father now... " they was 7 miles down the road playin in the junk yard... how they got there, I have no idea!" It was simple pops, we walked and played along the way!


This generation Y? We know exactly where they are. Cuz if they can't get a rid, they are right where you dropped them off. Generation C.I.G.A.R: "Can I Get A Ride?"

My friend can see the school from her house. Do you think her daughter is willing to walk home the 3 blocks from school? Nope. She's on the phone with family or friends... .
"Hey.... Can I Get A ride?"
My daughter, although she's not lazy, and was even on the high school track team works just down the hill from where we live, less than 1/2 a mile. Do you think that child is going to walk home after work 1/2 mile up hill? Nope. This morning....
"Hey Mom, I get off work at 9:45. C.I.G.A.R?"

"My baby girl! It'll be dark out. You'll be walking UPHILL! You're a beautiful young women you might get snatched. Of course you can get a ride!"

"Mom, you can't go to Salt Lake after church, I have a meeting at 6. It's a 1/2 mile walk back to the church.... C.I.G.A.R?"
Sure thing! We just can't have you walking all that way in heels now can we? The more I think about this the more I realize how true it is! We have impaired and quibbled our kids for life! The moment we taught them to put one foot in front of the other we picked them up and carried them to wherever else they needed to go. We've even sacrificed our own time and agenda to go out of our way 1 mile to drop them off at Movies 8 or the mall or where ever they were meeting for their evening of sitting on their keesters in front of some screen watching a movie or playing a game. We even smile when they say...
"Hey, Can Lindsey get a ride too? She's on the way."

What injustice have we caused our children? Have we placed the eternal burden of asking for C.I.G.A.R.S? That's another thing we've done to our kids. We don't require them to tought it out anymore. A kid gets scarred up running to first base tripping over the baseman and we now require a "safe base." A 2nd base next to the orgional so that the baseman can have his own and the runner can have his own and there's no human contact. I can surely see myself in court sueing a little league first baseman who tripped my little league runner on the way to the base.
We've gotten rediculous. I can't image grade school without Dodge ball and king of the mountain. We've eliminated the things that childhood school yard legends are made of! I'm pleased to have been a school yard legend myself! Did Generation X hold the last of the things that legends are made of? Are we the X treme reason of Y our kids generation is so lame?

Think about this next time you buckle under the pressure of giving in to letting your kid go to the mall and you find yourself handing them the car keys and telling them.... "I get of work 10 minutes after your movie gets out.... C.I.G.A.R?"

ALOHA: chapter 1- The flight to Honolulu

September 11 2007 I lifted off from Salt Lake City airport enroute to Honolulu Hawaii, via San Francisco. The night before was filled with mixed emotions. I had been feeling nervous and aprehensive about taking such a long flight on the Anniversary of the Twin tower terrorist attack in New York. Although I spent the night at a friends house who would take me to the Airport the next morning I knew it would be a sleepless night. I was so grateful for the comfort of not being alone left with my runaway imagination and thoughts.
I walked into the airport tired, scared and nervous. Got my bags checked through, prepared to go through the security maze. I looked up and there were 7 podiums. All had official looking men behind them in official looking white shirts with badges on them. The podiums had the presidential seals on them and they said "HOMELAND SECURITY." I stepped forward and took a deep breath. Removed my shoes, placed my purse and carry on bag in a grey plastic tub and held my place. After 45 seconds one of them men motioned to me "please step foward ma'am." Again taking a deep breath I stepped through the security screen. "BEEEEEEEEEP!" My heart held still. I beeped! Oh crap! "Please step to the side.." I stepped to the side and a female officer came over to me... " Ma'am do you have any jewelry, car keys, or a cell phone on you?" That darn cell phone, in my pocket. " My cell phone, I'm sorry!" I handed it over. She placed it in a stray grey tube that held some elses shoes. The man behind me sort of chuckled. A few minutes earlier he and I held a conversation, so they probably thought we were traveling together.
"Step back through and come forward again, please." I stepped back through the security screen and came forward again. "Thank you ma'am!" And they were on to the next person. I scurried around trying to find the tub with my belongings, I quickly gathered them and the kind gentleman behind me handed me my phone with a smile and said... "you have a good time sweetie!" I smiled and said, you too, and thanked him. I walked passed the Homeland security podium and the Officer behind one of them said to me "Have a great time!" I thanked him and headed toward my gate.

Thoughts of the upcoming week came to mind: "Will my 17 year be ok at home alone for a week? I paid all the bills to make sure that was squared away. Why did Osama pick 3 days ago to surface after 3 years? Is my spiritual life where I need it to be? I'm sooo tired....."

I sat for a couple hours in the airport contemplating where I am in my life now and where I'd like to be. The plane ride would be a great opportunity to sort these things out. And what better place but Hawaii? Oh Hawaii! My thoughts turned to where I'd bee in the next few hours.
My best friend was getting married on the weekend. I was so excited for her! I was so happy to be the link that brought her and her husband together! I was anxious to see her, meet him and meet her brothers, sister, mother, nieces and nephews that she and I would shop for when she lived in Utah. They were just babies then. THey would be in High school and middle school by now. I began to grow excited about the events that may lie Ahead.
The loud speaker called out the boarding request and I gathered my belongings and boarded the plane. The plane, was huge. I searched overhead at the numbers to find my seat. The further back I walked the more I realized I was probably going to be in the last row.

Contrary to popular belief... there is very little joy in being right most of the time. My seat was in the last row.

I had the isle seat of a 3-seat row. I pushed my purse and carry on under the seat in front of me. The flight was pretty full but not totally full. I had the back row to myself so that was sort of nice as I was not in the mood the really speak with others. I sad down, buckled in, laid my head back and closed my eyes. I listened as the monitors came down and recited the details for what to do in case of an emergency...." pull mask tightly over heard...... closed exit could be behind you.... seat cushion doubles as flotation device..... " the voices slowly became faded. The last thing I remember was feeling my body slightly jolt back in my seat as we lifted off the runway. I was OUT like a light before we even left the ground. It was a 2 hours flight. I missed the in flight movie and courtesy drinks and so on. I didn't care I was TIRED. I woke up for the last 30 minutes of a 2 hours flight which was perfect.

I would have a 2 hour layover at the San Fransisco airport before my 5 hour flight to Honolulu.
We landed w/o incident in San Fran I walked inside the airport and was shocked at how small it was. I checked the monitor for my next gate number and was already standing at the gate. I looked around to figure out how I would entertain myself for the next 2+ hours. But first, something to eat. I went and grabbed a couple of sandwiches for the next leg of my trip. I had one immediately and saved one for later. Airplane food had become expensive and I had an Entertainment stash in my carry one that consisting of: word search and coloring books, markers, colored pencils, sketch pad, 2 books, beef jerkey, chex mixes, gummy candies, texting... I was pretty much set.

I walked around a couple of the gift shops and looked at some of the art. There was a sculpture of an egyptian woman.

I became fascinated with the materials used to create the sculpture. It looked mummified, like shreds of papers. I walked up to look closer and much to my delight the sculpture was made from Cold cereal boxes! AWESOME! So I became enthralled with trying to find how many different cereal boxes were used. I now call her the cheerio's lady because I found more cheerios boxes than anything!

I also checked out a wooden sculpture of a horse. What was fascinating about that was it was just random shaped drift wood whose design happen to create a horse. The creativity threw me back into nostalgia to my Jr High, high school and college days when I claimed to be one of those freak artist who would go around feeling textures and then close my eyes and recreate it through paints or chalks or clay or what not.

Well, that took all of about 45 min. I scurried back to my gate and sat down and pulled out my Garfield and Odie coloring book and some markers and began to work on a master peice. After a few moments I noticed a woman sitting in the seat across from me. She was watching me... and eating quite loudly. I glanced up at her and she stared at me crunchin, smackin and suckin her food down. I went back to Odie and garfield. Seconds later I could still feel this woman watching me. As she slopped her food down like she was eating from a trough. I made a point not to look at her and concentrated on my master peice. I was doing a good job of ignoring her until i heard differnt moans and vocal grunts and things coming from the direction I was trying to ignore. I couldn't help myself i looked up and she was now picking her teeth and sucking on a toothpick with various other sounds. I said to myself... "ARE YOU KIDDING ME LADY??" You know in the comforts of home I would expect it, but in public.. disturbing everyone around you is too much. Much to my horror I became aware that this woman would be somewhere on the same plan with me for at least the next 5 hours. Please, Lord, don't let her sit next to me, that's all I ask!

A while later we boarded the plane. I began the journey down the LONG isle wondering if I would be in the last row again. To my pleasure I wasn't, I was about 3 rows up from the last seat. That was the least of my worries. As I began to settle in and get comfortable the toothpick lady, loud and ignorant was walking through the isle with her many bags knocking people in the head in shoulders. She gradually got closer and closer and closer to me. With each step she took the groans in my head got louder and louder. She stopped right at the isle in front of me... and slipped inside to the window seat. I said to myself... "really funny, Lord, go ahead and laugh, ya got me!" By this time it was only afternoonish. I was still tired so I knew I wouldn't have any trouble sleeping again.

We prepared our selves for take off and the toothpick lady was announcing to everyone around her how she's been to hawaii before and how she was going again and how little it was costing her and which beaches and resorts she would be at and where to go for this and that and blah blah blah. This went on from the time we left and for about the first 45 minutes into the flight. They started in cabin drink and lunch service and Lady tooth pick had moved on to speaking about how God and the devil work and how you rebuke the one and embrace the other. The cabin steward asked her if she wanted a drink. She ordered liquor. Even better right? When they asked her for a chaser she ordered water. Uh Oh. Liquor with a water chaser. This was going to be interesting. She wasn't the only one getting her drink on at such an early hour in the afternoon. I looked around the cabin to see if I was in the Bar section. I felt like it. I closed my eyes and settled into my seat. My first thought was .... "don't start no stuff.. won't be no stuff.." I had decided to just mind my business and try to enjoy the flight the best way possible. My next though was interrupted by the sound of Toothpick lady saying... "Praise the Lord and pass the cavasia!" I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

Be Worthy Of Trust

I saw something the other day, I believe it was a commercial. I wasn't really paying attention to the TV and I was actually taking a glance at it before I was going to turn it off. Anyway as I glanced the commercial was ending and the words "Be Worthy Of Trust" came across the screen. For some reason I felt paralyzed. I thought what does it mean to "Be worthy of trust" and how does that feel? I started thinking of the different layers of trust you can have for another:

You can trust that the driver coming toward you in their car wont cross the center line and hit you head on.

You can trust your kids to be home alone and not burn the place down.

You can trust that your paycheck will come every week or two weeks.

We live each day in a certain amount of trust without thinking about being worthy of it. This is the easy kind of trust, trust that's not earned. This trust is free, no charge.

So what does it mean to BE WORTHY OF TRUST? I looked it up and what I mostly found were things talking about Trust-funds or Living trust, things that had to do with money and possessions and things. This is far from the trust I'm thinking of. I don't trust too many people and the one's I do trust it becomes a challenge to give in 100%. That expectation of failure is always looming present somewhere in the back of my mind. I know, it's a crappy way to be and it ruins friendships and relationships. But I found a new spin on the word trust and I hope this will aide me in doing a better job of accepting peoples sincere desire to be trusted and my own desire to be trusted as well. I'll try and simplify it.

The spin: The willingness of you to be vulnerable to the actions of me based on the expectation that I will perform an action important to you regardless of your ability to monitor or control me.

OR

The willingness of myself to be vulnerable to the actions of you based on the expectation that you will perform an action important to me regardless of my ability to monitor or control you.


In trust you expect to be able to rely on another's word.
If the person is consistent to their word then you recognize their integrity.
Does this mean you have to be consistent to be worthy of trust? I think in some cases, yes AND no. If someone is consistently loosing sight of their focus then you can TRUST you may not be able to rely on their word no matter how well meaning they are.

On the other hand if you consistently push others away in times of stress and struggle and take hard things out on those around you, then you can TRUST that you will be going through many struggles alone. * guilty*

Sometimes these situations become a pattern: you try to trust in the simplest way and even the simplest way you are let down. No harm was intended. No personal pain or detriment to your health was inflicted. You simply were let down. You try to let it go, however, now even the slightest let down that should be brushed away builds into the biggest mountain based on holding on to those let downs of the passed. Until even the smallest let downs ARE the biggest mountain to you. Discussing it won't clear it up, the other person has heard it before and you dwell on it because you feel it's more the norm than not. To you, it IS a big deal. To the other, it's another over site, no big deal. Are neither worthy of trust?
How does the cycle end?

Which brings us back to the Original Question: How Does One Become Worthy Of Trust?
*sigh* I don't know. I'm really struggling with this. I'm thinking of those around me, closest to me and actually debating who is worthy of my trust and why, and AM I truly worthy of theirs.
I don't know, on either account. And I can't stand myself for being this way.
It's the worse feeling, not knowing. Not knowing how or when or where to even start, and not shutting down when you do get let down because we all get let down and do our fair share of letting down others, sometimes intended, sometimes not.
Often we set ourselves up to be let down. Other times we believe and agree to things others present to us and are let down to no fault of our own.
*sigh*


I'm not sure of the answers but I'm on a quest to find them. I WANT to really learn how to trust, believe and believe in those around me. Not based on how I govern my own ideals of trust but realizing what each individual person's needs of trust are and determining if I care about them enough to provide those needs.

I bet Heavenly Father feels the same way about us, yeah?

Putting the Puzzle Back Together Again.

What was that tornado that hit me in July? And is it coming back in August.
So most of you don't know this but I rec'd a Job offer and accepted it.
The Job: Customer Service/Sales Manager.
Salary: Twice my weekly income
Location: Virginia Beach, Virginia
Starting Date: August 20th.

I prayed long and hard about this job. I prayed about Relocating in my daughter's senior year. I prayed about leaving at fully vested job of 12 years. I prayed about where I should be compared to where I wanted to be and the people and places and situations I'd be leaving behind. I felt good about my decision. There was no right or wrong decision, that was the feeling and the answers I got as I studied every aspect out in my mind I would flourish in Utah or Virginia. I didn't feel good or bad about the decision. I stayed up nights agonizing. Running my cell phone battery out 3 times a day everyday for a week speaking with family and a couple friends. So I made the decision. Virginia Beach... HERE I COME!

Then all hell broke loose. Seriously everything around me started to crumble and fall apart and I could not understand why. At first I thought wow, I'm getting out while the getting is good! And the more I started to pack up and make arrangements for this and that and the worse things got. Then the contracts came for me to sign and I saw in the contracts that which was not discussed in my phone interviews. 30 month position. That's what... 2.5 years? Hmm...Why would i leave a job I've had for 12 years the city I've lived for 17 years to go work someplace else for only 2.5 years. I decided not to jump the gun... and maybe see if they can negotiate a 5 year contract... which they did.

What to do? What to do? I continued to pack things and while I was making up my mind.... again, the more I packed to move, the worse things got. It reminded me of when I was going to put my daughter up for adoption... and all hell broke loose. Things felt eerily the same. So I decided I needed to address the situation again. As I did I developed a new understanding of where I should be and what I should be doing.

I can say I'm a little disappointed about having a new adventure in a new place. But Utah is where I need to stay, at least for a little while longer. When I came to that realization....hell was bound back to its original state in my life. And I slept for the first time in about 2 weeks. Also... I lost sight of some goals I created earlier this year.. and occasions to fulfill them have all but fell in my lap and knocked me on the head and said... "hellloooooooo!"
( This year I had decided to read my scriptures each morning and had been getting up about 5:30 each morning to do so. About the month of May, I haven't been able to wake up and keep myself up to read them. Until I recently. Since all this happened and I decided to stay in utah... I've been waking up... WIDE awake 5:30 AM for the last few days.)

So My house is a wreck, contracts are shredded, so long condo on the beach and nice income. My current condo sprung a leak at my washer dryer hookups. The shower broke, and the chain to flush the toilet in my bathroom broke,Dishwasher is on the fritz. At least I'm at peace with my decision.

"Honey, I'm home!~"

It's Not About My Broken Bedroom!

I woke up this morning after a sleepless night. I jumped out of bed at the sound of my sister's ring tone. I know I sounded like crap, she would just chalk it up to maybe me just waking up instead of having no sleep at all. We had a good conversation. One I've needed all week. I unloaded on her about people, places and things.

After we hung up I decided I needed to get going on some cleaning and packing of things that I no longer need or wanted, because the next 3 weeks are going to be hectic. I basically pulled everything from my closets so it's all currently on my bedroom floor. It looks like DI threw up. I noticed my matress & box spring wasn't level. Sometimes the bottom of the bed frame will come apart which caused the foot side to be slight lower. I Pulled off the top mattress and then went to pull off the box spring. As I pulled up the box spring it caught the left edge of the head board. That side of the had board popped off stripping the screws and breaking the surrounding boards around the screws. It could be fixed if I had someone handy around to reinforce the moulding around the screws. I get my little power screw driver and start to unscrew the right side of the head board. I can be salvaged. I love that head board, I wanna save it if I can. I take out 3 screws, no problem. But there's always the one stubborn screw. It wouldn't budge. It was even causing my power driver to do some funky kind of "clicking" as I tried to drill. And yes, men, my screw driver was was going the right direction. I let go of the power drill for a second and caught small splinter in my finger causing me to drop the side of the head board i was holding..... which stripped the last screw from the head board and broke the supporting wood around it. *sigh* Well at least the head board is now off. It's sitting by my couch in the living room.

I walk back into my bedroom and look at the bedframe and I was right, the bottom/foot supports were off. I sit inside the bed frame and begin to fit the thing back together. When I have it just right, I put on the clip and begin to screw it so the 2 ends of the bed frame secure themselves. Except it's not supporting. The tighter I screw the more the clip starts to slip from either the top or the bottom. So I get on my knees and hold the clip really tight with one hand so it stays in place as I twist the screw with the other hand. The clip still seems to slip from the top support or the bottom I turn the clip over and do it again with the same results. For ten minutes I fiddle and adjust and hold and screw and unscrew and start over again.

Out of nowhere I find my self shaking and not being able to catch my breath. I suddenly realize I'm on my knees doubled over head burried in my hands and I'm absolutely sobbing uncontrollably.

Inside I'm screaming....
"it's not about the screw! It's not about my broken bedroom!" "It's about getting no sleep! It's about making tough life decisions all year long, and especially this week! It's about doing it alone, no feed back, or opinion or advice. It's about feelin every whip of another person's pain and tears. It's about silence on the other end of conversations.
It's about being concerned about others struggles while being left with your own. It's about reaching out and being caught the wrong arms while the correct arms push you further away.
It's about needing a reason to visit someone or needing a reason to see and hear and feel them.
It's about them having other plans. It's about events and arrows and shields. It's about hammers and nails. It's about knowing what to say and knowing what to do or, not knowing what to say and still knowing what to do. It's about confusion, frustration, guessing and second guessing.
It's about not wanting to talk, wanting to scream, and wanting to talk and not being able to scream. Its about wanting to keep it all together but needing to fall apart so you can have a good look at what's really inside of you. It's about trying to provide what someone needs without ever knowing what they want. It's about being the best. It's about Investing with little interest. It's about not knowing if you have anything left to give and realizing that if you do, you'd willing spend that, too. It's about knowing when you have lost and walking away feeling broken, exhausted and defeated. It's about it being hard to leave, but it being even harder to stay. It's about not knowing if it's about you or me."

But it's NOT about my broken bedroom!

Fall out boy and Fireworks

It's funny but for a month now, I've had the latest Fall Out Boy album as back ground music in my head. It goes well with most things going on around me, video games, work, especially house cleaning. They're giving Def Leppard a run for their money in the cleaning department. When I get into house cleaning mode it's ALL about Def leppard or Totally Awesome 70's. ON them sad days it's all about the Barry Mannilow and Karen Carpenter. On those summer days when I'm feeling.... "frisky" as my Aunt Joyce used to call me (meaning mysterious and mischievous. Ms chi-vi-us!) I'm all about jazz. Radio stations 97.9 The BREEZE! There's nothing like the sensual slow moan of the saxophone.

Yesterday was Independence day. That's right July Forth. Unlike my father who could listen to Neal Diamond sing "we're coming to America" all day, or "God Bless the U.S.A" by Lee Greenwood all day I went a different direction. To be clear there is absolutely nothing wrong with Neil Diamond or Lee Greenwood ESPECIALLY on Independence day. More people prolly listened to them then what I listened to.

But I Gotta tell ya folks, I plugged in my Fall Out Boy Cd when the fireworks began and it was like Magic! I felt like I shot up like superman, the sky my play ground. Sparks of Red, white and blue popping off and shooting up as if through my finger tips. I could actually feel them tickle my skin as they landed and faded into the darkness. I've seen fireworks before, but never like this! The energy from the music and my freedom and independence radiated with each spark that hit the sky. FALL OUT BOY and independence. Hand in hand Like Apple and Pie. ON your next celebration with fireworks, Crank up the F.O.B and fly!