January 01, 2007

Happy New Year!

Ya ever get that feeling that all hell is gonna break lose and there's not a thing you can do about it?
Yeah, it's like that.

The New Year has just begun. Normally I'm running here and there, to and fro hanging out with friends and family and pushing things I really should be at home sorting out down into the bowels of my mind.

( pic taken at a leaf fight w/ all my little cuzinz)

My car is out of commission since about Wednesday. So I've basically been home, not by choice, dealing with idler pully's and water pumps and what nots. It turns out it may be even worse than that. I found a place less than 60 seconds from my condo to look at it. They're talking cooling systems and thermostats and head gasket damage. They took a quick look at it and I'll be rolling it back up there on Tuesday so they can to a thorough look.
Car stuff gives me stress . Funeral(and phobia) stuff gives me stress. I'm on 5 different leadership committees and the actual chair of 2 of them... That gives me stress.

Let me give you a recount of the last few days: My mom informed me a cousin of ours just passed away.
I have a phobia of dead bodies. (yeah i know, gross...) Lately, I can't turn on my TV w/o seeing James Brown, Gerald Ford and now that Crazy hanging of Saddam. I'm OK with seeing caskets, but only just O.K. *sigh* This week has been filled with nightmare after night mare. Have you ever physically had the power to wake yourself up out of a bad dream? Been doing it all week. I've had dreams of being a passenger in a car and going down a hill.... and the brakes failing and we race towards a funeral procession only to rear end the Hearse and have the casket break open and a dead body sliding up on my side of the windshield.
I've also had a dream where I'm in the back of a Limo in the middle of the night, being held a gun point and forced to help dig up fresh graves and open caskets. So right now anything in a long rectangle shape in my house... is more resemblant of a Casket.. .especially at night: couch... tub... dressers, even the closed doors. I would love to run way for a few hours... visit some people, or have some people visit me to take my mind off that fact that I haven't had a decent sleep in about 2-4 nights. I've been catching cat naps during the day but you know, those images sorta stick with you sometimes. Hopefully the car will be fixed sometime this week. Some fears you will continually face and that's cool, because I know that it's a temporary fear, and I will recover. And hopefully from that the strength of the fear will weaken and eventually disappear.

On the flip side of things: Having no car has been a blessing. I've been faced to have myself a spiritual cleanse.
I've spent the last couple of days getting a crap load of stuff out of my head, purged from my heart and lifted off my chest. It's stuff that's not easy to say and will most likely go unheard. But sometimes the strength and the journey is being able to say things you didn't want to have to say.

2006 has been full of great experiences. I've learned that some of the greatest experiences aren't necessarily the happiest. But they are experiences that teach us about ourselves, provide us with opportunity to grow, and bring us closer to God and people we love... if we take those opportunities.

Some things I've always known but have really learned:

1. Everyone should face a great fear at least once. Knowing that you can survive it can sometimes make all the difference in the world. It doesn't always mean you'll over come the fear, but you'll over come the experience of being afraid easier.

2. Truly good friendships can over come lies, hurt, miscommunication and EVERYTHING else as long as those in the friendships are willing to care enough about each other.

3. Some people will scoff at your experiences, talents and gifts. It's usually not to hurt or belittle you, but only because they don't possess them or understand them.

4. Most people see the world as THEY are, not as it really is.

5. If someone wants to leave your life.... Let them go. You are both better off.

6. If someone shows you who they are... Believe them. Trying to change them will make you both miserable and frustrate the hell out of both of you.

7. You cannot comfort or support someone who does not want to be comforted or supported.

8. Putting your trust in others is a brave and noble thing. But it doesn't mean that others will be able to put their trust in you.

9. Never underestimate the human mind to forget or change.

10. It is ok to be mad, frustrated and down right pissed off. But not to forgive someone should never be an option.

11.It is never too late to clear up a passed situation.

12. Mistakes made in hurried moments of foolishness can stay with you for years.

13. If you tell someone their actions or words are hurtful to you and they continue to do them, they don't care enough about you.

14. Never cut or sever what you can untie

15. Most people living a double standard, don't see it as a double standard.

16. A good relationship will cause you to branch and expand outward instead of shrink and with draw inward.

17. Do not compete with someone's pride, you will always lose.

18. Just because someone doesn't love you how you want, doesn't meant they don't love you with all they have.
19. Make sure you want to really hear the truth when you ask for it.
20. Love people enough to not lie to them, if they love you, there's no reason to lie.
21. Don't only tell the truth because it's asked... tell the truth because it's owed.
22. Some people keep making the same mistakes so that YOU can learn from them as well.
23. If your gut or mind is telling you something is just not quite right... then something is just not right.
24. People will do and accomplish the things they REALLY want to do and accomplish. If you want something bad enough, you find a way to obtain it.
25. Cultivate your relationship with people and things that have made a difference in your life for the better, challenge you to be better and always have your back. People like that are hard to come by these days.
26. Make each moment with friends and family enjoyable. You don't know how many moments you may have with them. None of us are ever promised tomorrow.

27. Love 100%. If you don't you will regret it 100%.

28. If you are angry, wait 10 minutes before responding to a heated situation. You will be less likely to say or do things you may regret.

29. Be the last to offend.

30. Be the first to amend.

Some of these things I relearn every day. Some harder lessons it only takes one time.

2007 is going to be worse before it gets better;
So the theme for this year is:
(cue' Rocky Music)
Whatever that means to you, apply it.
Fight to be heard.
Fight to understand and be understood
Fight to live
Fight to love
Fight to survive
You can even fight for your right to par-tay.
Fight to be the real you
Fight to have peace
Fight to be happy
Go to court and fight that speeding ticket!
And if you fight and go down swinging...fight to get back up... and come up swinging.
Make a list of every thing you think is worth fighting for.. no matter how little, piddly or insignificant it may seem and fight for it.

2007 are you ready to rumble???? Because ...Ding... ding.... it is ON!