December 07, 2007

I KNOW I'm Not The Only One....

I know I'm not the only one who wants a taser.

I mentioned it the other day to a few people and recieved some shocked looks. But the more I talked about wanting one, the more they started to admit they wanted one too. There is a world-size closet full of people who want tasers!

I was pricing them the other day and found one for 350$. That's not so bad. They come in a couple different colors as well: Basic black, grey, silver, blue and pink. That's right I said PINK!
I'm no so crazy about the color pink, but I'd get a pink taser. That's the ULTIMATE ego blow:
"the perpetrator went down from a pink hello kitty taser!" ( heere kitty Kitty KITTY KITTY!) Awesome! You can bling it out like you do your cell phones with stickers and rhinestones and alla that.

So in most states tasers are legal. You only have to be 18 and complete a back ground check since they aren't considered firearms. I'm thinking about getting my daughter one when she goes off to college. With the way college campuses are these day I think it's a good idea.

I've been reading alot about cops getting taser happy. I couldn't be a cop for a few reasons: I'd shoot first and ask questions later. the good thing about that is I wouldn't shoot to kill, I'd just shoot to stop, you know, blow out a knee cap if someone is running, or an elbow or wrist if I think someone is going to go for a weapon. Just my luck I'd hit an artery and kill someone. But the great thing would be, I could TASE someone instead. But I'd get taser happy too. I read about the guy who felt the cop shouldn't have stopped him and he got all macho and lippy in front of his wife and kids. I KNOW I would have tazed him, too. There's just a standard of respect that you give people who have weapons. I don't care who wrong I think a cop may be, i'm not going to turn my back on him before he's done with me. I'm really not gonna get in his face and get lippy. I'm not saying that's what the guy did, I'm just saying I've seen it done before and knowing the kind of person I was, I'd tase someone simply for disrespect. Yeah, I could never be a cop. Which is sad because one of my best friends and I always dreamed about being cops together. I'd be the bad cop, he'd be the good cop. *
We even spoke in code:
"The eagle is in the nest!"
or from our favorite TV series M*A*S*H
"The wind just broke his leg."
I miss him! He actually did become a cop. I loved living vicariously through him. Even better he went on to become a Secret Service Agent. I really love hearing about his SS stories. ( ummmmmmm... of course the unclassified one's ;) hmmmmmmmm. I wonder if he has a taser, or could get one on the BFF discount?

In all my conversations about tasers the passed few days I've actually come across people who WANT to be tased so they know what it feels like. I could provide that service for them!

I'd open up a kiosk in the mall where I would taze you for $7.50. And I would taze your friend for 5$. There could be a 2 for 1 special on valentines day: "Happy Valentines... TAZE!" or " Proved my love with a valentines taze". T-shirt for $10. One of my friends suggested "Taser Tag!" Well why not? If people would pay to run around the woods getting shot up with balls of paint, why not stick them in a maze with tazers?
I'm more than happy to provide this as a service!

So I think I've come to the conclusion that I'll defineately at some point get a taser. And I've narrowed it down to the pink or blue one. I'll get it with Raggedy Ann on one side and "don't dis da doll" on the other.

yeah, I want a taser. Who's with me?

December 05, 2007

40 and FABULOUS!

A week ago today was my 40th birthday and it was FABULOUS! I'm going to be one of those women who does not care if people know my age! I came into my 39th year fearful and broken. I could feel that all hell was about to break loose but I also knew it had. I've learned much about myself this last year. I finally realized what I want and what I need to do to get it. The world started "clicking" this year. I figured out myself and what works for me and against me. I know there are certain things I absolutely MUST do to get certain results. No compromise, no questions asked and more importantly NO SHORT CUTS. The effort is worth the results. As I look back an my 39th year I see smoke, ash, stifled fires, and a plethora of broken dream and ideals that did not suite me. It was a year of scattered debris as I fought to get my life back on track. I find myself smiling as I close the door to that vision and lock it. To me, it is gone. That door is closed, never to be opened again. I am EXCITED for year 40. There is a mysterious anxiousness to move forward and learn and experience and grow. There's sweet relief in realizing who you are and whose you are. No longer a fear of the unknown but an excitement in the adventure of it.

Let's talk about my Birthday party. When planning the big FOUR-OH party I initially envisioned a black and white semi-formal affair. Nice dinner, some music, really elegant and nice. So I put the idea in motion. The more I put it in motion the more out of sorts I felt.
I said to myself, "I've maybe been elegant 3 times in my life. This is just not me." So I scrapped that idea. Someone asked m
e what I was doing and I told them probably nothing. That's when they said... "we should go to that pizza parlor where we have so much fun!" DING DING DING! The bless went off in my head. I had flash backs of being a little girl and daddy always asking me, "So what are we going for you birthday dinner?" "PIZZA!" I'd always say. And what do you want for your birthday the parents would ask. RAGGEDY ANN & ANDY! It was the perfect idea. We had the birthday party at Mountain Mike's Pizza. This place had pool tables, air hockey, video games and such. It was awesome!
We ordered pizza, garlic cheese sticks, drinks and so on.

I had a white cake with strawberry filling. It had a pictures of Raggedy Ann and hugging her teddy bear


There was about 60 people in the back room. 17 of them were kids and 9 of them were age 8 and under. I requested white elephant gifts. It's always been more fun for me to give away gifts then to give them. Everyone 8 and under received a gift and a handful of candy I had rec'd from my work party. I had all the adult anty up on whatever quarters we had and then we handed them out to the kids and patted them off to the video games. It didn't matter that they weren't good at the video games or pool or air hockey. THEY WERE LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT, and so was I. The kids on the game floor, parents in the party room listening to music, relaxing and socializing. I split my time with the kids and the parents until time to open cards and gifts. A couple of the little kids handed me my gifts to open. They were happy to hand them to me and pick up the wrapping. After cake and gifts, more games and dancing in the party room. I went to check on the smaller kids and noticed a couple of the bigger kids playing air hockey. I'm not sure what happened but something inside of me got the urge to "body surf" across the air hockey table. Before my forty year old body could stop my four year old mind, I did a body dive across the air hockey tables in the middle of their game. IT WAS AWESOME! The kids laughed and jumped up and down and clapped. A couple of the adult came out and saw me across the table, legs dandling in the air over the sides. I'm SURE they thought I had some accident that landed me across the table. Nope, it was all me. Perhaps it was one last stretch and saying goodbye to youth and those carefree childhood things.

Naw, that's not it. Because about an hour later I did it again! My Fortieth birthday was AWESOME! My only regret is that when I look back on such an amazing day, I will miss the faces and smiles of those who couldn't make it. And if that's the only regret I have, then that's not so bad, I guess they were there in spirit.
I have a feeling this "fabulous and forty" year is going to be phenomenal! I've never been more at peace with myself.
Something happens at the age of Forty: A light came on. Madea said if your light doesn't come on by that time "Check yo bulb." The greatest thing so far is giving myself permission to be happy. And REALIZING it's not worth throwing away eternal blessings for temporary desires. Been there, done that. It's such a GREAT feeling knowing you are doing the right things. I'm sleeping at night, I'm happier, I'm more able to deal with things of stress better. And I'm less stressed. How shameful it took 40 years to get to that point.
Cheers for at least another 40 years putting it all into practice.