March 16, 2013

Kickin Ass and Just Don't Care

When I hear stories of kids being bulled, It makes me wanna find the bully, and start kickin ass...
 And YES I KNOW by doing that it make me hypocritical and also makes me then become a bully but  I totally wouldn't care because I think all bullies should get a taste of their own actions.

Quite often we hear from those parents who have concerns for their kids who are being targeted and picked on and we offer ideas to try and help the solution. We go to the schools and start these ANTI- BULLYING and NO TOLERANCE -NO BULLYING or STOP HURTING Campaigns.

Are they working? Do they mean anything to the kids? And what happens outside of school when there are no teachers or principles in charge?  What happens on the buses or at the bus stops?  What about the neighborhood parks and play grounds or even at Church?  It's not secret that kids to day are more Audacious, less respectful and  to some degree clueless about social graces. They'd rather text a friend then actually pick up a phone or walk next door to speak with them.  In leaving them to their electronic devises have they become hard hearted toward the feeling of others and the impact of what their actions cause? Life is not a "restart" when life levels of age 11, 12 and 13 get difficult. There is no google apt for "life cheats" they can download into their brains and just allow it to take over until life gets easier.

The average age of cyber bullying starts about 9 years old that's around 3rd and 4th grade. That's pretty young.  I have seen it start in real life in kindergarten with 5 and 6 year olds.  That's horrific.

Children are killing themselves because of it..[ Children every year commit suicide because of extreme bullying. An estimated 160,000 students stay home from school every day because of bullying incidents Says an article in TIME magazine:,9171,1978773,00.html

That's heart breaking.

  My daughter, now age 23 and about to graduate from Utah State University with a Bachelors in early childhood education, is student teaching at a local school.  She is working with children how are being bullied in school and at church. She knows it's happening, however in the schools if you don't see it happening, there if very little you can do to confront the bully or their parents, which is where I believe the problem is.  This should not be a situation the schools should be dealing with. This is a HOME TRAINING situation. Bullying starts and stops within the home.  Too many of us live under the umbrella of  "NOT MY CHILD..."  When indeed it can be ANY of our child on either side of the bullying.  We barely take the time to sit with our children and go over home work and school assignments let alone talk to them about bullying.  We leave too much up to the schools these days When indeed the schools and homes should be in partnership to consistently train and educate a child in the ways they should be.  My hell we had the time to lay up with someone and make the child. We out to make the time to educated them every step of the way in every aspect of life. Maybe all too late we've come to realize that 30 minutes of "love" can birth 18+ years of heartache if we are not careful in dealing with our children.   I am under the impression that every parent should carry on as if their child is the bully and the one being bullied.

 One thing I carried from my childhood school days is looking up at random times while in class and seeing my father talking to the teacher.  I wouldn't know how long he was in there. what I was doing when he walked in and if I was going to get a show down when I came home from school. All of my siblings have had this experience. I can remember speaking with him about one time when I was away to college. I said..."well I know I was sometimes the child from hell and you needed to check and make sure I wasn't causing any trouble in school.."  He said that was exactly right. but then he said... "I also needed to make sure that you were being treated properly in school by teachers and schoolmates."   I never thought of it that way.    When my daughter started school I carried on that tradition. I would show up to her school and in her class at random times from Kindergarten until she graduated high school. In elementary school it was a special treat. I remember walking into her third grade class and speaking with her teacher and hearing one of her friends say.. " Hey, your mom is here!" To which my daughter said... "I know, she like to come and check up on me sometimes."  Her class mate said.."Oh wow, that's cool  I wish my mom would come and visit and check on me!"    I remember turning and winking at her when I left the class that day.

There were a couple of  times when I got reports that my daughter was causing disruptions and so on.They were usually at parent teacher conferences and it was usually she has a group of friends that sit together in class and kind of disrupt it by always visiting and laughing with one another.
 I remedied that rather quickly with requesting her seat be up front and way from her friends to making her write and read an apology letter to the class for being disruptive and taking away from education time. This didn't make her a target, it made her a class leader. When I learned there was a problem (and that's been all of twice in her school days) I Jumped on it. I handled the situation by letting her know expeditiously what would and would not be tolerated. I knew my child, what she was capable of  good and bad. Her teachers knew her, what she was capable of good and bad. When crap went down as school they recognized the my child sticks up for the underdog, took time to learn why people act the way they do and could disrupt the class with a joke or comical story to stall the teaching process.  I do recall one incident when I got a call from her...she was in tears and all she could say to me on the phone was... "I WANT TO COME HOME."  I bolted from work, rushed to the school, found her in the principles office in tears saying  " I want to come home."   I asked the principle what was going on. He didn't know.  We went into his office and closed the door.   The first thing he said to me was.."I know your daughter very well, she is one of the only students who fits into every clique or genre in this school so if there is a problem with her, she's been acted upon. I asked her if she was hurt or felt her safety was in danger and she said no. That's all I could get out of her so we let her call you."
   Turns out there's one kid in class that likes to target people and for whatever reason today she chose my child.   As it turns out my daughter stood up to her face to face and handled the situation. But after class she was so angry that her own friends in the same class didn't have her back that she felt betrayed and hurt.  She said she didn't "give a damn" about the chick in class because she's got her own issues to live with.     I was relieved that she was not in any harm and most of all that she stood up to this class jerk. However I told her that I couldn't let her go home, because then  those who upset her would win.  I told her she had to stay and finish out the school day.  The principle however asked if she wanted to have her friends called down to the office to talk about what happened and how it made her feel to have "friends" like that.   We all agreed that's what she should do.      It turned out to be a good thing.
       I believe in making children accountable for their actions and choices. Right or wrong, I would have been in favor of this picture had it come to it:

 I hope this young lady receive something other than a sign to hold and a vacation from school for a few days.  IF adults can go to jail for harassment and assault, perhaps children should  also do some time
 Bullying. I don't know if that's the answer, but I sure would make me thing twice about putting my hands on or threatening someone just for sport doesn't only happen to the kids that are different. We need to teach our kids they are not alone in the struggles they're having as kids. We also need to teach them how to have self esteem so they can make it through those tough times because once you come out of it, life can be pretty amazing!!!!


Here's a look at some other kids who were bullied :

Tom Cruise
Tom has said he was a victim of bulling at the hands of his father. He has "vowed" to be a great father so he will never make his children feel how he was felt by someone who was supposed to love him



Charlize Theron
Charlize has shared that she was never popular at school. When chatting with People, she revealed that she cried one day at school because the popular girl at school wouldn't let her sit next to her. When someone as gorgeous as Charlize speaks about being bullied, it really highlights how it can happen to anyone.

Jessica Alba
In an interview with Mirror, Jessica shared that she was bullied so badly as a young child that she had to be walked to school and eat her lunch in the nurses office. She also shared that she never wanted to "lower to their standards" so she wouldn't say anything mean back.

Sandra Bullock
Sandra shared that she was the victim of bullying while in school because of her clothes. She went on to say that she can even remember the first and last name of every mean kid -- which shows just how much of an impact it has.

Chris Rock
Chris was bullied from a very early age because of his race. He has been quite outspoken about how he feel bullying is what makes the world go round -- and America wouldn't be what it is with out it (good and bybullies

Christina Aguilera
Christina was bullied for different reasons than some of the others. She feels it was her talent that was making people try to tear her down. Around the time she was starting to make a name for herself with her singing, the bullying got worse. There really is no 'one sized fits all' victim when it comes to bullying