January 10, 2008

What World IS This????

I'd like to know what world did I step into and can I stay for a while????
That last month has been absolutely incredible. It started with the Christmas Holidays filled with so much peace and happiness, at least for me and the majority of my friends. And it's gained even more momentum! And if I had my way, the momentum would not stop there it would increase into one big gigantic snowball and consume everyone I love along the way! Ummm, but not in some psycho kind of way.
As mentioned before my mother called me Monday morning to let me know my Aunt Anna passed away and that my grandmother was probably not too far behind. (Grandma and Anna are Sister's) It reminded me of a few years ago when I had 9 friends and family members pass away within a 12 month span. 6 of them within 60 days and 4 of them within 3 weeks. Although we can't control when people leave us in this life, you hope for the best and that things like this will be at a minimum.
Although I was a little down from the family news I decided to react differently than to slip into a small state of depression and grieving and so on. There's a typical attitude and pattern I have when death confronts me and quite frankly I'm sick of it. I new healthy outlook for death and even LIFE if what was in order. I was quickly forgetting the feelings and goals we made at Christmas.

Tuesday evening I began to get funny little phone calls from my sister. It was the last 30 minutes of my working day and I don't typically answer my cell. I answered and she sort of in a demanding tone asked a me question I wouldn't typically give over the phone nor would i particularly give to anyone else. But she's my older sister, so it was no big deal. A few minutes later she called me back. I couldn't get to the phone but I called her back. She asked for my zip code. I gave it and was asking her what's going on when she said...
"gotta go..." and hung up.
A few minutes later she called me again as I'm walking out of my building for work...
" Hey, what's your SSN?"
And me, being curious give it to her.
"what are you doing?" I demanded!
" Can't talk Im BUSY!" she said... "
I could hear our other sister in the back ground saying....
"girl, just stop trippin and let us do what we're doing..."
And then the line went dead. I jumped in my car and headed home. I decided to call back.... The phone rang.
" Hey what's up?" said my sister.
I was starting to get annoyed...
"Ok, you call me for my ssn, zip code, street address, verify my birth year.... WHAT IS GOING ON?" I demanded.
To which she said. "I can't talk right now..." and hung up again.
"SHE GOT SOME NERVE!" I said to myself.
By this time I'm at home trying not to fume. "ok FINE WHATEVER!" I said to myself and sat in the middle of my living room floor pouting.
I had walked in, took off my coat, kicked off my shoes and just sat in the middle of the floor quietly: No tv. No Radio. No Noise and a small side lamp on. I was waiting. For what, I'm not sure. I let my mind drift off to a friend and the Chaos around his life right now. I'm concerned for him and focusing on others helps my own issues seem lessened. I guess it could be worse, I said to myself. I just sat and listened... To my heart... the voices in my head assuring me... the clock tick.... And then my phone rang.
It was HER again.
"Hello!" I said.
" I need you to write down a number for me...." She said.
"mmmmm hmmmmm.... " I mumbled... "what is it."
She gave me the number. It was actually familiar.
"what are you up to??" I asked... curiously.
"Well I need you to call the number tomorrow after 9 am and tell them you want the title sent to you in less than 30 days." She said.
"WHAT?? What does that even mean" I said
"Just do it after 9am tomorrow" she said giggling.
"Will they know what that means even if I don't? I asked.

She laughed and said... "yeah, they'll know. And if you think about it you'll figure it out..."
And I said.... "figure what out? What are you talkin about ?"
She asked me if I was driving still and I told her I was sitting on the floor... and then I hard my other sister saying
"I can't wait, give me the phone..." And then she jumped on the line and said..

"girl, call that number tomorrow and tell them you want them to send the title to your car as soon as possible... cuz it's not their title anymore..."

"who's car am I driving?" I shrieked in a high pitch voice.... all i need is to be getting in a wreck with someone Else's car... I was thinking...

"Cuz I don't get the title for another year and half....." I was saying...

"Girl, as of about 7 minutes ago It's YOUR CAR! It is now paid off!" I couldn't believe it!

"WHAT??? HOW? WHEN? WHY? WHO?" I was stammering.....

"Girl, we have been trying to get this done for you for the last 2-3 weeks. Have you noticed you haven't had a bill for 2 months? Your daughter had to catch the mail and steal it and give me the info of it and...." My mind was screaming. I couldn't hear a thing she said after that because my mind was screaming.....I couldn't breath..... WOW....... just WOW!

4,200. worth of dept... Obliterated. Gone!. No more. WOW!

She would have to fill me in on the details later because I could not comprehend or process what was going on. I hung up and found myself in the middle of my living room floor sobbing and shaking. I look up and gave a HUGE shout out the Man Upstairs. That feeling, that feeling we held around Christmas was back! I call my mom. Explained to her what just happened.
"as much as you take care of everyone else WHY are you so surprised?" I wasn't sure why. My family just sort of rolls that way.... doing thing kind of thing for those we care about. I think it's ingrained in our DNA. My sister said.... "shoot, I'm just having me some fun doin all this." I know exactly what she means. It's why I do it as well.... to see the joy in others. And THEN she let me in on ANOTHER surprise she's got brewing. I'm Soo excited to pull this one off! Keep the ball rollin, right?!

Can someone please tell me... "WHAT WORLD IS THIS????"

This year is a good year to be in my care Cuz I'm keepin the ball rolling and inviting people to step into my world! Start a ball rolling where you are and make this the year of the Ball.

January 07, 2008

A' Kin to Some Psycho's?

A friend of mine ask me the other day
"are you kinfolk to some psychics?"
I thought to myself,
"well I'm akin to some Psycho's "

I took me a minute to realize what she was asking. She wanted to know if I had psychics in my family because she seen what she believes is "Psychic" behavior coming from me.
"every since I known you know things that are going to happen before they happen or you know think about people that no body else really knows."

I had to laugh. It's actually true. I shared with her some experiences from my life that might be taken as mystical and strange. But to me and my family it's just normal. I wonder if it's hereditary? I usually don't share these things as most people would consider them Coincidences and they cheapen what I believe to be gifts.
My mother called me this morning. I could tell something was up when in her voice mail she said to have a nice day, like I was a valued customer. My first thinking was...
"uh oh....she's in protecting her young mode."
I believe she reserves this for me when she knows there's going to be something hard on me and possibly cause me to freak out but I need to work through it.

My first instinct was to ignore the voice message and call her back later this evening. But since I was running early for work I decided to call her back. The usual happened and she did some small talk about the weather and the weekend and stuff. And then she told me she was talking to my Aunt. I asked her which Aunt. She meant her sister. My Aunt and my cousin went over to my Grandma's house yesterday to bathe her. Grandma's health has been declining and is getting worse. Grandma told my aunt and cousin last night

" My mama and daddy are coming to get me tonight."

Grandma's parents passed away decades ago. She also refers to a man who keeps bothering her and won't go away.
"that man keeps bothering me..."
We believe the man she's referring to is my Papa who passed away in the early 70's. Last time I saw grandma I remember how she kept looking at me and calling by my mama's name one minute and not knowing who I was the next. She told us stories about how she and papa met and got married. They were HILARIOUS! She would say that man wouldn't leave me alone, he followed me, so I had to marry him. My mother, understanding her condition and knowing her mind isn't quite as sharp as it used to be simply laughed and enjoyed the stories with us. I think the thing that troubled me the most was when she smiled and said, I don't know who you are, girl, but because he let you in, I knew it was ok for you to be here. ("he" being my uncle) It was hard to see her that way.
Not being close to where she is or able to see her often it's always difficult to hear of her declining health.

This morning my mother was calling to tell me that Aunt Anna Passed away. She was 92 years old. She looks JUST like my Grandma. She should, she's my Grandma's Sister. Do you think it is by coincidence that Yesterday my grandma said her mama and daddy were coming to get her, and her sister passed away the very same night? I don't think so. This stuff happens too often for me to believe it's just coincidence. So when grandma also mentions how "that man just keep bothering her" I'm pretty sure she's talking about my Grandfather as well. It's not uncommon for myself or even my mother to have appearances of families of friends come to us through dreams or thoughts and impressions. I'm pretty sure this happens to everyone anyway so it's really no big deal.
One night my papa came to my mother in a dream (papa was my mother's father.) He was in the suite he was buried in. In his hand lay a small casket. He called her by name and told her to open it. My mother didn't open it. He asked her again to open it and again she refused. When Papa asked her why she wouldn't open it, she said "I think i'll see you lying in it. I want to remember you like this, not lying in there." We were awakened the next morning by a phone call very early. It was the husband of my mother's best friend at the time. He had just found her on the kitchen floor, she died of a heart attack somewhere in the early morning.

One of my experiences: I was in college and it was a couple weeks, if that, just after the holidays. My roomates and I were playing some sort of game and the phone rang. I jumped up and answered the phone and it was my mom. I heard her voice she simply called my name. Before she could say anything more I said to her "Grandmother died." She responded "Oh, you've talked to your father and he's told you." I replied, "no, She just told me herself." It was true, my Grandmother had passed away. There have been times when I've heard her voice, felt her hug and smelled her purfume, especially in times when I've been alone and afraid. There have been multiple occassions in my life with these experiences and some of them have passed on to my daughter. Are we psychic? Not by any stretch of the imagination. I believe everyone has the opportunity to have these experiences. I just feel that some are more in tune to the next life than others. I believe it's a learned thing and I also believe it's a gift. We all have certain gifts that those around us may not have. I think this is just one of those.

When my mother told me my aunt passed away last night the first thing that came to my mind was "this is great, now I'll get to know her even better than when she was alive." I suprized myself in thinking that, because I wasn't sure what that meant. I'm still not sure what it means.
My mother also suggest I be prepared to hear from Papa. She thinks, as i do, that Papa is trying to get Grandma's attention. But she never really listened to him when he was alive. I guess some things never change :). Mom said I'm the one most likely to get any messages. We believe he's going to be the one to come and get Grandma since they've been apart over 30 years. I guess since she saw her parents coming, it won't be too long befor she recognizes "that man messing with her" is her husband coming to bring her home. Shes' my last surviving Grandparent. I'm nos sure if I'll be able to get back to see her before she leaves but I've been filling my mind lately of as many memories as I can of all my Grandparents. My Grandfather, my Father's dad just passed away early Autumn, about 3 months ago. In some ways you rejoice because their suffering is complete. In other ways you cry because all you have left is memories of them.
I'm positive they would have us remember them with laughter and love. It would sadden them for us to focus on their absence instead of creating ways to keep them near. I'm very impressed with a familywhere the father passed away. It is a mother with 2 small children. This family speak of Dad as if he'll be home with them tomorrow or later to night around dinner time. It's amazing to me.
A conversation would be something to the effect of
"my dad is going to love the model air plane I'm going to make. That's one of his favorite things it to build and fly them. So when I'm finished I'm going to go fly it for him!"

Some may think, "that poor kid doesn't know that daddy is not around." ON THE CONTRARY... that kid understands that even though he cannot see daddy, daddy is STILL around. And there are times when he can make daddy proud or disappoint daddy as if he could see him.
I'm grateful for lessons such as these that remind us that we are just as connected as family in life as we are in death.
I didn't know Aunt Anna well at all. I knew who she was but didn't know her. I spent the day thinking of her and shedding tears and Im not sure why. But I realized today how powerful the connection of family can be, even family we don't know so well still is connected to who we are. A part of me mourned for Aunt Anna today and it was a real loss and pain in my heart. I'm not sure I understand why I cried for this family member I didn't know. But I know I felt a real connection of love for. I know now, more than ever, the strength of family ties are eternal.