I saw something the other day, I believe it was a commercial. I wasn't really paying attention to the TV and I was actually taking a glance at it before I was going to turn it off. Anyway as I glanced the commercial was ending and the words "Be Worthy Of Trust" came across the screen. For some reason I felt paralyzed. I thought what does it mean to "Be worthy of trust" and how does that feel? I started thinking of the different layers of trust you can have for another:
You can trust that the driver coming toward you in their car wont cross the center line and hit you head on.
You can trust your kids to be home alone and not burn the place down.
You can trust that your paycheck will come every week or two weeks.
We live each day in a certain amount of trust without thinking about being worthy of it. This is the easy kind of trust, trust that's not earned. This trust is free, no charge.
So what does it mean to BE WORTHY OF TRUST? I looked it up and what I mostly found were things talking about Trust-funds or Living trust, things that had to do with money and possessions and things. This is far from the trust I'm thinking of. I don't trust too many people and the one's I do trust it becomes a challenge to give in 100%. That expectation of failure is always looming present somewhere in the back of my mind. I know, it's a crappy way to be and it ruins friendships and relationships. But I found a new spin on the word trust and I hope this will aide me in doing a better job of accepting peoples sincere desire to be trusted and my own desire to be trusted as well. I'll try and simplify it.
The spin: The willingness of you to be vulnerable to the actions of me based on the expectation that I will perform an action important to you regardless of your ability to monitor or control me.
OR
The willingness of myself to be vulnerable to the actions of you based on the expectation that you will perform an action important to me regardless of my ability to monitor or control you.
In trust you expect to be able to rely on another's word.
If the person is consistent to their word then you recognize their integrity.
Does this mean you have to be consistent to be worthy of trust? I think in some cases, yes AND no. If someone is consistently loosing sight of their focus then you can TRUST you may not be able to rely on their word no matter how well meaning they are.
On the other hand if you consistently push others away in times of stress and struggle and take hard things out on those around you, then you can TRUST that you will be going through many struggles alone. * guilty*
Sometimes these situations become a pattern: you try to trust in the simplest way and even the simplest way you are let down. No harm was intended. No personal pain or detriment to your health was inflicted. You simply were let down. You try to let it go, however, now even the slightest let down that should be brushed away builds into the biggest mountain based on holding on to those let downs of the passed. Until even the smallest let downs ARE the biggest mountain to you. Discussing it won't clear it up, the other person has heard it before and you dwell on it because you feel it's more the norm than not. To you, it IS a big deal. To the other, it's another over site, no big deal. Are neither worthy of trust?
How does the cycle end?
Which brings us back to the Original Question: How Does One Become Worthy Of Trust?
*sigh* I don't know. I'm really struggling with this. I'm thinking of those around me, closest to me and actually debating who is worthy of my trust and why, and AM I truly worthy of theirs.
I don't know, on either account. And I can't stand myself for being this way.
It's the worse feeling, not knowing. Not knowing how or when or where to even start, and not shutting down when you do get let down because we all get let down and do our fair share of letting down others, sometimes intended, sometimes not.
Often we set ourselves up to be let down. Other times we believe and agree to things others present to us and are let down to no fault of our own.
*sigh*
I'm not sure of the answers but I'm on a quest to find them. I WANT to really learn how to trust, believe and believe in those around me. Not based on how I govern my own ideals of trust but realizing what each individual person's needs of trust are and determining if I care about them enough to provide those needs.
I bet Heavenly Father feels the same way about us, yeah?
