November 16, 2006

Random dumb dumb dumb!

So I'm just gonna go for it and start spitting out thoughts...

My gurl Katz said it best: "My head is too crowded with thoughts... They're all bumping into each other."

Yeah, it's like that! Ever have soo much you need to say and, yet, you can't say a thing? Don't know what to say. Don't know how to say it. Don't know if saying anything will even matter. So you just don't say anything. You WANT to talk. You NEED to talk. But it's almost like you forgot how to form the words and project them in a intelligible manor. So, you wish you had a script. In fact.... you go in search of a script: Song lyrics, quotes, paragraphs in favorite English literature, Scripture, phrases from a blog or two that you've read..... you even turn to ROCKY I-V & Hawkeye and the gang on M*A*S*H! And yet you can find nothing that expresses what is screaming inside of you. It makes you edgy and agitated.
Your kid looks at you like... "why are you sooo ADHD lately.... are you on caffeine?"

Your Phones ring, or buzz , or play that special groovy tune you picked out just for the special people in your life and your heart jumps in rapid syncopation. You grab it, the phone.. not your heart but it feels like its' going to come thru your chest....hands shaking like.... well like you spent the night in a cemetery. And you stare at it. It almost paralyzes you. All you can do is stare at it and think of all the words that won't come out anymore in regards to that person. A conversation with them will only lead to stumbling and tripping over thoughts you can't express. Maybe some tears... and ackward silences that you really can't take. You let it ring, buzz or play that groovy tune right into oblivion. You want to answer it. But you can't. Because you know it will drag you into the same rutty situation that you need to come up out of. So you keep silence until you find the right words. A day goes by, then two, then three. Still.... no words.
By day four, it's heavy on your mind that....ignoring the issues or the words you want to day.... doesn't make anything away. It magnifies it. It's like... Putting a band aide on something that needs stitches..... it will continue to be a problem, until you take the correct measure to resolve it. And it becomes a big deal because now.... every smallest details that even resembles the larger issues... makes ANYTHING that resembles the larger issue... a larger issue. You want change that way of thinking, but you don't know how.
You make a small attempt to communicate.... it's weak. But you try. By day five you wonder if your phone will ring again on day six... and if you will have it in yourself to answer. And if you don't have it in you, will those you swore you would never give up on... give up on you just after a week?
Words. WORDS. Who would have thought at the age of 3 when you're singing... that lovely little diddy about "el-em-in-o-Pee" that letters could turn your whole world upside down.

The right word can change a life. The wrong one's can take a life. None at all.... can devastate and humiliate and cause or justify an agreement or disagreement. Words, they start wars. They end wars. Words have a power like no other. Sometimes we use them opposite of how we should. We spit out words when we should hold our tongue. And we withhold words that should expressed.
Why do we do that?
My sister just called an had me read in my hometown news paper that my 6Th grade teacher passed away 2 days ago. How timely. She was the one who made the most impact on me of how important words can are to express and to have expressed back. She required us to keep a journal and turn it in each week and she would respond to us, which made us realize how important feedback is.

And now, I've run out of my own words again... so I'll leave you with someone Else's:

"Poorly chosen words can kill enthusiasm, impact self-esteem, lower expectations and hold people back. Well chosen ones can motivate, offer hope, create vision, impact thinking and alter results" 2004 Nan S. Russell. All rights reserved.

" Hearts remain broken when words go unspoken"

No man means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous."
Henry Brooks ADAMS The Education of Henry Adams, 1907American historian (1838-1918)

"Never express yourself more clearly than you think."
Niels BOHR Danish physicist (1885-1962)

"Words have no legs, yet they walk."
MALI proverb(Bambara people)

*** Ever had a communication or conversation where the words, or lack of them changed your life?***

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